Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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