I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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