Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
