Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
