I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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