The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize