Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
