its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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