Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
