marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
