Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
