No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
this beer tastes like vomit already
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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