AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
