I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
