i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
