Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
try to milk me bitch
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