Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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