I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
