Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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