New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
