Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
