"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
