have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I AM VODKA MAN
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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