We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
