Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
