Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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