I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
