Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
