I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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