Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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