Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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