Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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