a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fuck appropriateness.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
