Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
