at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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