I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think your dad took our porno
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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