I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
