the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
