Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
