watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize