She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
