you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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