fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need a beard to bite.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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