I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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