Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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