i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
