i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
