All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
