butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
