It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
