My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
