grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Blow job season was short but glorious.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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