I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
