haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
