are you so shy because you have an std?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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