I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
even my farts smell like vagina
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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