you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
