and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
