So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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