I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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