I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
