I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
