he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
