My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
